We just spent the last 2 and a half hours at the pool, now my children K 7 and R 3 are playing with chalk and bubbles, it's warm and the breeze is caressing my face, the sun tea is just about done. Sounds blissful right? To the outside person it is. To me we spent 2 and a half ours at the pool in which R peed on the sidewalk....twice. K threw a code red hissy fit because i made him swim. he threatened to throw up in the pool if I didn't let him thread his water noodle in his life jacket. As we speak R is throwing a fit because K has ONE of the THREE bubble sticks, she wants the chalk too, even though she wont play with it. K wants to ride his scooter and I won't let him....I'm sure, given enough time I can come up with a good reason, but for now "Because I said So" will have to do the job.
   So the point of all this?? To K and R there was no temper tantrums, arguing or fighting over toys. Asked what they did today they would say "Mom took us to the pool, swam with us, threw us in. When we got home, we all played outside with chalk and bubbles. It was really fun, I love my Mom.". I'm glad they don't feel what I feel....Frustration, fatigue, a little anger and embarrassment. How come I can't be more like my children and just focus on the seemingly awesome time we had today? Is it because I'm a grown up or because I won't let myself relax?
   All I can say is life is far from perfect, but I am apparently doing a damn good job from keeping the kids from noticing. That's ok, for know I'm gonna keep on feeling all those things, but I'm also gonna keep that smile on my face, and play referee.    Sigh.....I want a cigarette...Won't have one, but still..
This is my life, in all my lovelies..